This summer hates me


Here in New England our summer has been….wet and humid. And that equals me feeling like crap. This week particularly, I have felt exhausted and sore. This morning was a pure down pour, so I finally gave up and drove to work instead of taking public transit. It was probably the best thing I could have done for my body. Instead of being tired out when I arrived at work, I was refreshed and ready for the day.

My doctor suggested I go up on my Methotrexate again when I had my last appointment. I’m starting to wonder if I should. Although, my exhaustion has felt more like I did when I had low vitamin D than anything. But I keep thinking that it can’t be that since I’m taking supplements now. Sometimes I think my health is a dart game. Throw one at a list of possible symptoms and causes and you are just as likely to figure it out as not.

For some reason I just feel more resistant to taking Methotrexate than anything else. I know that I should just go with whatever my doctor prescribes. Not being aggressive enough with meds is one of the reasons why I had to have hip replacements. But part of me just wants to be off of it. I know that it is best for me to be doing well before I go off meds to get pregnant, but I’m still stubborn. *sigh* When will I learn?

Lately, to deal with my fatigue, I have started to day dream about what it would be like to be independently wealthy and not have to work. Oh, how sweet that would be. Being able to use my limited energy for the things I want to do, instead of need to do. Or having enough energy to do the things I need to at home, instead of letting that all fall by the wayside. A girl can dream, can’t she?

This leads my mind to thinking about what will happen as I age, something that I try not to think too much about. If I struggle with work now, when I am thirty, what will happen when I am fifty or sixty? I know people find it very difficult to be categorized as disabled with RA. All these thoughts make me start to worry about what the future holds. But you can’t do that when you have RA. You can’t live in the future or in the past. The only way to really live with RA is to live in the present. And man, that is so hard for me to do.


One Response to “This summer hates me”

  1. 1 theherbalcure

    Hello my name is jeff. my ex-girlfriend of 10 years sufferes terribly from R.A. She felt the same as you about the methotrexate. Although there is no cure present there is a way to manage the pain. The docters bombarded her with harmful powerful painkillers for years. from perkaset to oxycontin. not only do these drugs have damaging side effects, but they are highly addictive. I dont know if you are currently taking any of these opiate based meds but they are very dangerous. She actually lost an overy and has kidney/blatter problems as a result.
    After trying a variety of pills and dosis which would work for a while but constantly needing to up the dose we decided a more natural painkiller…marijuana
    Although it is illigal it works great for the pain on two levels
    1 it works as a natural pain killer blocking certain pain receptors in the brain
    2 diversion the high effects of the drug ease your mind from the deppresion related to R.A. and devert your attention from focusing on the pain.
    please consider trying this if you already havent. although you do get “high” from smoking the pot the effects are no where as powerful as opiate based pills which promote heroin like effects.
    i am very serious about this my ex is still my best friend and watching her suffer from this desease breaks my heart.
    good luck with everything and please contact me and let me know what you think or if you need tips on scoring some marijuana

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