Relationships and RA

20Feb09

I’ve had some more food for thought recently regarding how I deal with my RA in conjunction with the people in my life. I’m not always great about it. When I talk about it, I often feel like I’m whining and complaining. And after a while, I get sick of myself, so why wouldn’t others feel that way too?

This disease has been a major issue in my relationship with my husband. We got married pretty young and have been married over 7 years now. We still struggle with how to manage. He sometimes is too over protective, almost telling me what I can and can’t do. Other times, he seems clueless even though he has lived with me for so long. But that isn’t necessarily his fault. I don’t like to talk about it. I don’t like to admit to others that there are things I can’t do. And yet, my mind lives in a world of can’t. I can’t do this because I will get too tired. I can’t do that because I will be sore afterwards. I do it to myself, so why expect him to be any different? Maybe that is why I get so annoyed with him when he does. It just puts in my face what I struggle with myself.

This idea was further reinforced when he was talking with me about discussing his struggles with my disease with a professor. He was applying for a scholarship for family members of people with RA and needed a recommendation that addressed how he deals with it. He told me that his professor mentioned that he seemed ashamed when he talked about it. He thought that was an interesting insight and said to me that he thought that he took that cue from me. I would have to agree with that as well. But why do I feel ashamed? It is like I think deep down this is some cosmic punishment. And how do I and my husband get away from those attitudes? I guess recognizing them and talking about them are the first step.

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