On a roll

18Feb09

So I’ve been doing well the last couple of days. Sunday I did some strength training, Monday I biked, Tuesday I walked a couple of miles and did some strength training. I hope that I can keep this up.

The last time I went to my doctor they said they saw no active disease. That sounds great and I am grateful, but I don’t think it takes into account what has already happened to my body. I honestly think most of my pain comes from damage that has already happened. So resting and getting stronger is the only thing that will help that.

I moved to Boston last September and found myself exhausted on a daily basis because I was taking public transit and walking a lot more. I can finally see a difference in that area. I’m not exhausted every day, just tired. It does feel a bit sad that being tired is the goal. But for now, I’m happy with this progress.

One of the major reasons I am working on this is that my husband and I have been talking about having children. It will still be another year before we will be in a place to start “trying” but I need that time to get my body into shape. I’m not sure my joints could handle gaining more weight. So in my mind, that is my goal. To be healthy enough to get pregnant.

Although this realization comes along with many fears. It is hard to imagine having a child and taking care of a child when I struggle with caring for myself. I do know that I will do what I need to do, but I worry about being tired all the time and being in pain and having a child who would not understand that. I worry too much about too many things.

So hopefully these things will stop circulating around in my mind now that I have put them down in print. No matter what my fears are, I’m determined to do this. I just need to keep on this path.

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